Aging Miraculously Part Four Notes

Welcome to the final session of our Aging Miraculously course! We’ve spent quite a bit of time delving into grief, forgiveness and acceptance; you’ve probably found yourself wondering at times, “Okay, so where’s the miraculous part?!” 🙂

Remember: the miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love. First, we had to identify the fear in order that we could release it. And now we can embrace the love.

And this is a never-ending process: allowing ourselves to be in touch with our painful feelings, but always remembering to surrender them to God. No matter at what age, but particularly as we get older, we cannot afford to allow negative feelings to fester; we must recognize them, own them, and give them to God. The prayer mentioned in A Course in Miracles for such moments is: “Dear God, I am willing to see this differently.”

And that is what we have worked on doing. We have developed an emotional pattern by which we recognize the darkness and then bring it to the light. We have owned our sorrow, and now are more fully prepared to reach for our joy.

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I was recently dining with two friends, a woman age 75 and her sister age 78. We found ourselves in an extended conversation about one of the women’s granddaughters, an adolescent girl who has experienced challenges related to her parents’ difficult divorce. The conversation included some deep and penetrating analysis of the relationships involved, with texting and calls back and forth with son, daughter and daughter-in-law. In today’s world, family crises such as theirs are increasingly common; they call for as much family love and support and possible.

At the end of the evening, my friends apologized to me for the fact that so much of our dinner was taken up by their family drama. And they thanked me repeatedly for having dinner with them, as though to do so had been a sacrifice on my part. I felt a bit sorrow for them, that they thought so little of themselves they seemed to assume I was dining with them just to be nice.

“I’m 64 years old!” I told them. “Do you think I’m still under the illusion that there might have been a more interesting dinner conversation somewhere else?”

“What we did tonight is an age-old ritual,” I told them. “We were taking a traditional role, and that is the purpose of our lives now. It looks on the outside like we just got together for dinner, and coincidentally all this drama occurred while we were dining. But so much more than that was actually happening. We subconsciously formed a family wisdom council, as the elder women of the family came together to do what the elders of a tribe have been doing for thousands of years. All the youngins’ running around so fast have made a mess of a few things, and those in the family who have slowed down, who have been through years of experience and have time and rhythm to reflect deeply on things now, can hopefully provide some wisdom and insight. We were doing tonight what we are supposed to be doing at this point in our lives!” 

And herein lies our joy.

The fact that we’re living in a culture that fails to honor the importance of such a thing as that, does not mean that such a thing lacks importance.  All of us are responsible for reclaiming for ourselves the realization of our own importance as we age. I noticed a look of appreciation on my friends’ faces when I pointed all this out to them; we have a lot more important things to do than play bingo!

As I walked away from the restaurant that night, I reflected on the fact that we’re at a different stage of life now — but it’s not a less interesting or less meaningful one. I know women in their seventies and eighties who are beautiful and glamorous, and men their age who are as powerful as ever. But the beauty and the power come with a stature now that we simply couldn’t have had when we were younger.

Our stature comes from realizing the purpose of our later years: it’s time now to do our part to care for the tribe.

Enough with thinking we’re invisible, or we’re useless! Anyone who doesn’t see us simply doesn’t have eyes, and anyone who doesn’t realize we’re useful simply isn’t old enough yet to understand what’s most useful. But no one will see the power we hold within us now unless first we are willing to see it ourselves. The spirit is who we are, and the spirit does not age. The longer we live, through both good times and bad, we have more opportunity to appreciate that spirit. And as we do, we only grow in internal strength.

Remember the story of my friend who, upon being told by a friend that they were “too old” to do something, responded by saying, “You’re right! I’m too old to do small things! I can only do big things!”

That is the secret of age: not that it is a time of diminishment – although outwardly it might seem that way. Rather, it is a time of increase. An increase of understanding, of wisdom, and of responsibility for the welfare of the tribe. The tribe might be our family, our community, our country, or our world. But whichever it is, it desperately needs us.

It’s time now to start creatively envisioning your Act 3 not as a time to just rehash old memories or bemoan what is no longer true. It’s time to imagine a future that is a magnificent climax to all that has gone before! And that begins by asking yourself, “What is the best way I can serve?”

I hope you will take the time to journal this process, as your subconscious mind has so much that it can share with you. So much wisdom, so much desire, so much suppressed information just waiting your permission to emerge.

Ask God to help you, and He will. Ask Him for ways that you can serve.

Are you as involved a parent, grandparent, or citizen as you can be? Is there meaningful volunteer work you could be doing? Are you involved in your community? Are you actively taking part in what’s happening during the current political crisis in our country? Are you reading, or listening to audio books that are enriching your soul and informing your mind? Are you exercising? Are you reaching out to friends? Are you eating wisely? Are you staying current?

If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” then continue writing and come up with what would make it a “yes.” Allow yourself to reflect, to bear witness to the ways you – and only you – are keeping yourself small now. Not your age. Not your past. Not your health. Not your society. No, you. You are the one tempted to buy into thoughts like, “I’m too old.” Your body, remember, is just a suit of clothes. Your spirit, your soul, the real you, is ageless. Every thought we think creates form on some level, and we alone are responsible for our thoughts. Think you’re too old, and you’ll find that you are. Think that you are a wise and important elder with a hugely significant role to play now, and you will be that. Your life is a reflection of your thoughts much more than it is a reflection of your body.

Wherever you are, you are there for an important reason: you are literally God’s representative on earth. Whatever activity you’re involved in, it’s your ministry. Wherever you are, your job is to bless the people who are there with you. You could be in a workplace or you could be in a hospital. Just live to bless whoever is there with you.

And from that consciousness, that place of divine no-thing will emerge all things new. Ideas, plans, people, experiences you can’t even imagine will begin to form a new reality for you. It will be nothing short of miraculous, as you begin to age with the unlimited love that casts out fear.

 

AGE ADVOCACY

Earlier in the course, I discussed ageism. This is a growing problem in our society, as more and more people find themselves still capable — sometimes even better than ever at what they do — but facing prejudice from the outside world.

And you know what, folks? We need to fix that!

The truth is, there are laws against age discrimination — but too many people don’t know those laws exist, or how to access them. I have heard many stories – not only at my lectures, but even here on our forum – of people blatantly passed over for job promotion for no other reason than their age. A woman who was the #1 salesperson at a major fashion label and then dropped by the company when she reached a certain age. A man passed over for a promotion by younger people who hadn’t done a fraction of the work he had done. And I can understand their deep despair. As someone who is self-employed, the only person who can fire me is me; but if someone could say to me, “Marianne, you’re almost 65. It’s done!” I would be devastated.

So we must address this. Maybe you want to become an age advocate. Hope is born of participation in hopeful solutions, and work on behalf of your tribe of elders will help boost your energy as well as connect you with new allies and friends.

To get started, go to the AARP website and review all of the different ways you can be involved. This includes state-specific webpages if you want to act locally, or join in lobbying efforts in Washington. Whether locally or in DC, familiarize yourself with the research available to support advocacy efforts that you decide to support or organize. See how the AARP Foundation pursues rights of people 50 and over through action in the courts, and participate in the AARP Online Community.
http://www.aarp.org

Whether you start a blog or a book club; an age advocacy group or mentoring program for young people just getting started; whether you go back to school (my brother-in-law is attending an advanced university program for people over 70) or begin a completely new life journey; DO SOMETHING. Do not wallow in old, outworn and outdated thoughts about “what you’re capable of now,” because we’re only just beginning to understand the science of the brain’s power to renew itself. When we were younger, we were told that brain cells can’t regenerate. Well, guess what! Now they say the opposite. Many can. Your body is following your dictates, and not the other way around.

If we walk more slowly, big deal. It’s where we’re walking to that matters. If we have more time on our hands, then good! There are way too many libraries and museums we never had time to visit before, lakes we never took time to lounge beside before, and books we never made time to read before. And those are not the booby prizes of life – they are the things that take us into the still waters of deep thought and feeling that produce our wisdom. And that is where we need to be now, not only for ourselves but for the world.

Slower. Deeper. More reflective. More understanding. These things are not nothing. They are your powers. And it’s time to use them. The key is to use them for good, for yourself but most importantly for others. In that you will find that all you have done before was simply rehearsal for what you are about to do now. As you become a wise and reflective elder, you will become a more kick ass participant in the world around you. Be open to both being new and acting new. You will shed old energies, old wounds, perhaps even old acquaintances if they are falling by the wayside and spending their elder years in resignation or self-pity. You are about something extraordinary, even miraculous now. You might not know what it is yet, but you will. It will emerge from a light that is born of your having walked through the darkness that you needed to walk through; the release of old hurts, old regrets, and old times that are past and gone. Let the past go now, so in the present your future can be reprogrammed. Forge ahead with the power of one who has lived, who has truly lived; who has experienced joy and experienced sorrow; who has succeeded at some things and failed at others — and now, having been through so much, is available to life, to God, to love, with a childlike spirit and undefended heart. If this is your internal positioning, then the entire universe is bowing before you, creating on the invisible planes new opportunities and breakthroughs and healings and miracles.

Stay in touch with those who are thinking like you and acting like you; with a newness, a determination, and a conviction that where there is love there are miracles – no matter our past, and no matter our age. Lean on my faith, and on the faith of others who have joined you for this process, that yes we will not only prevail at this point in our lives, we will do so joyfully. For God is here. And God is good. And God is All.

Amen.

Much love to you,
Marianne